Are you The Irish doormat?
‘A doormat is something one walks on, they wipe their feet on it too, by those who get a morbid satisfaction out of playing the martyr role. They say, if you love me you will do this. Some say, ‘oh I will be dead and gone, and you’ll be sorry for the way you treated me.’ ‘You’re giving me a heart attack, oh you’re killing me.’ Definition from Dr. Joseph Murphy
Did you know this is emotional blackmail?
‘They are trying to get you to do what they want you to do.’ Certainly, they are not interested in your welfare, but they’re selfish, they’re possessive, they say, do what I want you to do.’
They’re not the slightest bit interested in your happiness, your peace, your joy. Dr. Joseph Murphy
The above is taken from the following lecture by Dr. Joseph
Dr. Murphy’s wise words are as relevant today as they were then, if not more.
The Irish doormat
If you recognize yourself in the above statement then you may be an Irish doormat, here are some of the other traits Irish doormats possess;
- Warm, caring and generous, as they say in Ireland; ‘would give you the bite out of their mouth’
- Modest, kind, sympathetic, compassionate, empathetic and caring
- They will ‘do you a good turn,’ help anyone in need, out of the goodness of their heart and without expecting anything in return
- They are the ‘go-to person’ when a problem needs to be solved, they are the fixer you can count on
- The house skivvy
- The lifters and layers
- The reliable one who will never keep you waiting
- The compassionate giver in life
- The self-less
- They would never hurt anyone intentionally and they are people pleasers
- They are used and abused by lots of people who take advantage of ‘the good-natured,’ doormat.
The above are only examples, I am sure you could easily add to the list of traits.
How does the Irish doormat become a doormat?
Irish guilt is ‘put into you from the cradle.’ Beliefs passed down as facts through the generations as customs, traditions, cultural norms, superstitions, and beliefs, ‘put into you.’ We have lots of them in Ireland.
The Irish doormat will ‘put up’ with verbal and emotional abuse levied from; husbands, mothers, fathers, sisters, grandparents, children, bosses, in-laws and friends. Through time and repetition, beliefs are conditioned; ‘You have no choice, there are things in life that you have to and put up with, you made your bed, we all suffered, it is your job, they say, only for you, what would I do.’ The doormat programmed to believe that their goodness, hard work, suffering and crosses to be carried will be rewarded somehow, if not in this life, then the next life for sure.
‘Offer it up.’
The personal cost of being a doormat
Whilst all of those traits and attributes are admirable in people, the impact on the emotional and physical health of the doormat is huge. The Irish doormat is exhausted, worn down and may feel resentment and anger, everyone knows when they are being used and abused. Hurt and pain ensue as does exhaustion, illness and in lots of cases of death.
The price of hurt feelings
You can’t afford hurt feelings, as Joseph Murphy says in his video, hurt feelings represent a physic trauma on the mind and rob you of vitality, enthusiasm, energy, wholeness, beauty, and energy. It also robs of good discernment and judgment and leaves you a mental and physical wreck.
Hurt feelings are very expensive medicine robbing you of everything worthwhile, it is the quickest way of getting old and wrinkled and sick.
How to stop being a doormat?
As Dr. Joseph explains: Everyone needs an attitude of self-respect and self-esteem. You cannot change anyone, you can only change yourself and your reaction to others. Give everyone their freedom. Permit everyone to believe what they want to believe. Let them have their peculiarities, abnormalities, eccentricities and unconventional ways.
They have the right to do what they think is right, and you have the right to do what you think is right. You are responsible for the way you think, your reactions, your thoughts, your feelings, and your emotions, no-one has that responsibility but you.
The suggestions, statements, and actions of others have no power to disturb you. You disturb yourself with your own thought. Refuse to give any person power to disturb you emotionally or cause you to be irrational and make a fool out of yourself, which is maybe what they want.
Know the manipulators
People who abuse, manipulate and have nothing in them, no conscience, guilt or regard for your welfare or well-being. You can read about them in my article following this link. ‘They have nothing in them’.
Put yourself first
The doormat has a habit of putting everyone else and their needs first. This must change, when you put yourself first and look after your own mental, emotional and physical well-being you will have the energy and emotional peace needed to cope with the drama and life issues affecting you.
‘If you always do what you have always done. You will always get what you always got….’
Whatever your situation, start putting yourself first, make, and take more time for yourself, look after you for a change. Listen to Dr. Joseph Murphy and learn how to free yourself from the people who take from you.
You abuse yourself when you allow any man, women or child to walk over you. It is time to take back your power, learn how to free yourself from the jail you have put yourself into. People are strong with weak and they are weak with the strong.
You are here to lead the abundant life, and to be happy, radiant, and free.
Please take the time to listen to Dr. Murphy’s video, he provides a wonderful prayer that will soothe your mind and change your emotional state when you are worried, please also the link if you would like to pray for self-healing, it will change your life. http://irishwordsofwisdom.com/dr-joseph-murphys-prescription-for-self-healing/
Kate and Bono